You are on a long road trip with your child (when you are travelling with a child, even a trip down the street can be a 'long road trip' of course!) Despite multiple warnings to 'go' before you left the house, the youngster needs to 'go'. Right now. You pull over and undo his shorts for him. Junior relieves himself by the side of the road taking in the sights and sounds and if he is the gregarious sort, waving and smiling at cars passing by. Congratulations - you have just introduced your son to the world of male privilege - that vibrant, green grassland where everything is structured to suit his needs and is his for the taking.
Now picture this scenario with a girl child. You first yell at her for not obeying your instruction to 'go' before leaving the house. You watch her squirm in her seat in cowed silence and wonder how many kilometers you can make it before she starts up again. Finally you concede that she has been punished enough for her thoughtlessness and look for the next available restaurant that looks reasonably hygienic (another couple of kilometers have passed). You pull over. The wife hurriedly leads the child to the bathroom while you use the opportunity to stretch your legs and order coffee. You have now welcomed your girl child to the world of feminine caution and taught her to adjust to the real world where hygienic toilet facilities are few and far in between and like everything else in life she had just better learn to 'hold it in' till an acceptable stopover is reached.
You notice a similar scenario in children's clothing stores - the girl children are led to the trial room by the diligent parents while the boys are stripped to their magnificent male bare essentials in full view of the world. After all, what is there to cover up? What does a male need to fear about his physical form? The children quickly lap up these lessons - girls need to always ensure they are not 'exposed' in public. They have a lot to be ashamed of. For the boys all the world is a public rest room. Or a trial room. Sure they may not do exactly the same things when they grow up. But what if the idea of male privilege thus instilled manifests in other facets of their life and thinking? Like judging a woman based on what she is wearing - and thinking that if she is not 'covered up' she is probably fair game?
Those little things we do without thinking too much about it! Of course you don't train or expect your son to grow up to be a chauvinist. Maybe you are not the kind of person who would relieve himself by the side of the road either. But male privilege is not just something that 'other people' practice, accept and pass on to their children. It is something that creeps up on us when we are not looking, infiltrating our carefully moulded quasi-egalitarian existences. It is lurking in the shadows when you call your children to dinner and then ask your daughter to serve the guests while your son has taken his place at the table. It is right there perched on your shoulder when you tell your sons to eat healthy so they grow up tall and strong and you tell your daughters the same so they grow fair and pretty. And it is staring right down your nose when you tell your son to 'drive safe' when he calls to say he will be late and you tell your daughter to 'get home before dark and not bring disrepute to the family' if she calls up with the same message.
I am not advocating that girl children be allowed to pee on the roads and try on clothes in public. I would just like to state that certain codes of conduct essentially stem from common sense and therefore should be gender neutral. It is a civic duty to not stink up the public roads. It is good etiquette to not undress in public (and in present times, sensible parenting too to not expose your children to roving eyes). There is nothing gendered in these choices. There shouldn't be. If a child wanting to go to the bathroom disrupts your smooth trip, it has and should have nothing to do with that child being a boy or a girl. Let us all just pay for that coffee so we can use the rest room in the restaurant.
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