Ten Things About 2020: My 'Keep', 'Discard' and 'Maybe' Piles from the Year of the Pandemic

Back in the days before we had heard of something called COVID 19, Tuesdays and Thursdays were ballet class days for my little girl. Wednesdays and Fridays, the elder one went to Karate. Saturdays both attended an art class. Sundays were our hangout days - a trip to the park, pastries at our favourite cafe or a movie. Our days were carefully apportioned into school time, activities time and fun time. Every day when I picked them up after school, I would ask 'so how was school today?' and they would mechanically reply, 'it was ok.' Sometimes (rarely), they would talk about something that excited them or disappointed them that day. And then, suddenly, in the unique landscape that was 2020, time lay before us like an infinite stretch of untamed, unfenced grassland. There was no trodden path to follow and no markers pointing out the way. So we simply walked, hand in hand. And I heard stories about school I had never heard before: about arguments with friends; the time one got picked on by a class bully and the time an unexpected person did something nice for the other. I heard about little crushes and insecurities. And all this without my ever having to ask, 'so what was school like, today?'

2020 was the kind of year no one could have imagined. And yet we lived through it, adapted to it, worked our way around it as best as we could. It proved once again that nothing can quite extinguish the longing of the human spirit to find joy in existence and to find a path forward however difficult it may look. There are things that fell into place so naturally that I would love for them to continue to be part of our lives. And then there are things I would be glad to see the back of, forever! There are also a few that I can't make up my mind about, stuff that looked attractive in parts but sticks out as a whole. Out of the top 10 things that defined 2020 for me, personally. here is my categorisation of what I would want to continue, what I definitely don't wish to see again and what I am unsure about.

Keep

1. School @ home: At least 3 months out of the academic year is monsoon season in Kerala. In a normal school year, anything from 3 to 10 working days are declared holidays on account of rain. On many other days, I have watched with anxiety as the skies burst open or the winds raged just about the time the kids would be on the bus back home. With the experience of this past year, why not think of having online sessions instead of classroom learning during the worst of the monsoon season? Pin it down to separation anxiety but I think I really would enjoy having the kids around a bit more when life gets back to 'normal.'
2. The new normal in our eating habits: For want of help and anxiety about the availability of resources, one of the first steps we took to adapt to the lockdown was to let go of elaborate meals. Whatever was on the table, everyone would eat. No more individual breakfasts and fastidiousness at lunch. This was also a time I got the opportunity to lay down the law when it came to kids and veggies. They have a new-found discipline when it comes to food and a better appreciation for the effort that goes into making it. This is something I definitely intend to take forward.
3. Books becoming more central to our days: The one thing I am happiest about is to see the kids voraciously go through their books. With limited avenues to spend their time and energies on, they spent more and more time reading. My 7-year-old is almost up to the 11-year-old's level when it comes to reading because of the sheer amount of time they had in hand. The quality of their reading has also vastly improved as they started digging deeper into our bookshelves when they ran out of unread ones on their own. Definitely a keeper.
4. Sharing household responsibilities: When my little one learned to fold a towel in kindergarten, I was impressed but never thought it would come in handy any time soon. Now my kids systematically fold their own clothes and put them away in their cupboard without help or supervision. In a normal school year, it would not even have occurred to me to ask them to do chores around the house. This year demonstrated just how much we underestimate children and how much more efficiently things work when we act as a team. I was also able to explain to them why it was never 'helping' around the house but 'doing your bit', now and always.
5. Talking the talk: In 2020, I realised that quality time is what happens when you are not actively plotting for it to happen. With deadlines losing all meaning and no one in a hurry to be anywhere, we found ourselves sitting around talking a lot more than before. My children understood for the first time that I had a life before them - they know where I went to college and that before I was their mother, I had a childhood home with pets and audio cassettes and fights with my siblings. I heard from my mother about things that broke her heart as a child - her childhood friend who did not have anything to eat at lunch and her disgust at a teacher who openly leered at one of her classmates. Time brought out the storyteller in us all. We grew into attentive listeners and respectful audiences. And I don't wish to see that come to a stop.

PC: Tobias Baumgaertner on Instagram. One of the defining images of 2020, depicting compassion and companionship in two widowed penguins sharing a moment of solidarity and comfort. Definitely a 'keepsake' of the year

Discard

1. The reluctance to have human interactions: In pre-pandemic days, Zomato was strictly an occasional convenience. With the lockdown, delivery apps and online grocery options got me into the habit of avoiding human contact, whenever I could. How great it was not to have to explain what you need or stand in a queue with an overflowing shopping cart! Even once the restrictions were lifted I found myself reluctant to step out into the real world. The highly sanitised, impersonal and increasingly virtual world of 2020 was easy to get used to but I intend to work this out of my system in 2021. I want to get used again to faces and tones of voice - friendly and morose, helpful and grating - human life in all its variety.
2. The obsession with cooking in general and cooking bigger and better in particular: I don't know of any kid above 4 who made it through the lockdown without baking their first cake. My own little girl, a complete kitchen novice who was scared to be anywhere near the gas stove has learned to make pancakes, french toast, cakes and even a somewhat passable pizza. I want it to stop! She is 11. I would rather she scatter her toys on the floor and drive me mad like she used to. When I go online, I find so much discussion about food that it is disconcerting. My idlis were perfectly okay before someone taught me how to add two additional hours of effort to make them "super soft." I think we will manage just fine the old way.
3. Children and social media: My children would not have been anywhere near my phone or laptop at their present age, if not for the necessities of this period. Without school and birthday parties and playdates, of course, they learned the basics of navigating social media. I hate that they have started wondering if they are behind the times for not changing their classroom profile pics every week and why they haven't been allowed to create 'online avatars.' Once this is all over, they go right back to being cave-people when it comes to gadgets and social media. 

PC: Google Images. One of the defining images of the year that symbolised fear and anxiety (though also resilience and dedication.) I would not be sad to see this one disappear from our collective memory. 

Maybe

1. Less is Fine: I was six months into a weight loss regimen where I had sworn off new clothes till I reached my ideal weight when the lockdown struck. So that means I went over a year without shopping for clothes for myself and 9 months without buying anything new for the kids. Did it affect the quality of our lives? No. Did it affect our happiness? No. But am I ready to give up the high of the occasional shopping binge? I am not entirely sure. I am aware the planet is crying out for us to use less and spend less. I am also aware of how much my debit card would have thanked me during this time. I am not entirely sure I have the willpower to stick with this course but...I am seriously wondering if a 'slow down' is not warranted in the light of all that came to pass in 2020.
2. Virtual bonding: With everyone feeling lonely, cut off and isolated in their own little islands of fear, there was so much more of an effort to reach out and reconnect this year. I even had a phone conversation with an old batchmate where I spent half the time thinking she was someone else and the other half making up for the mistake. In 2020, we reached out like never before. We saw each other's homes on our screens, defenses lowered, vulnerabilities exposed, and we were fine with that. Will that continue to be so in post-pandemic life? I doubt it. I doubt we will any more have the inclination to go soul-searching with someone we haven't thought about since grade 3. But would I like it to continue? Sure! At least with those with whom we have already made some progress. Those whose presence brought some additional element of warmth in our lives.

PC: https://www.biocycle.net/food-waste-reduction-strategies-k-12-schools/
Definitely on the wish list for the coming year is to cut out excesses in life - whether it be food, clothes, or even emotion. Can I? Can we? 

It is a new calendar year but we don't know yet how much is going to change effectively. There is a good chance at least the first half of 2021 will be an extension of the past 9 months. That is ok, we are prepared as best as we can be. Now what we need are some tools to readjust to old realities, or maybe build ourselves a whole new reality altogether. One that has more light and air in it, more talks and laughter, more time spent together without planning to spend time together. I guess that was what 'quality time' really was about all along.